| Everybody loves Big Dick's. My Grandmother included. |
| My gas turned them both to stone. Or whatever in the hell they were made out of. |
| I was soooo wasted that day. When I finished reading "The Holocaust Pop-Up Book," that damn rabbit tried to steal my weed. Bad move, wabbit. |
| My ear-cleaning business is finally off the ground! |
| Guess who was on the rag that night? |
| Hemorrhoids are no laughing matter. Unless they're visible, of course. |
| Don't just stand there! Take off your clothes! |
| "Now, everyone knows that I'm not gay, for the most part...." |
| Seconds after this picture was taken, I stood up on the bench and started singing A-Ha's "Take On Me." The woman then picked up the apple and threw it at my balls. Luckily, I always wear a cup. |
| My right hand is NOT on that guy's butt despite what he told the Police. |
| There's a reason why they tell you to stay seated. Because of people like me. Jumpers. |
| Do not try this at home unless you have a giant snake to do it on. Then by all means, knock yourself out. |
| Watching me is like watching the Matrix. |
| I prefer skirts, but they were all at the cleaners that night. |
| Jeez, did you say Peacock? |
| Dava Krause singing about her love for stale Snicker bars. |
| Like I really need to say anything about this. |
| I can't believe that Mario Mann had the audacity to blame me for the stale muffins. Hey, I only lick them BEFORE I put them into the display. |